


lonely, but never alone

by satorisbandages



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, M/M, My soul is always with you, Sad, banana fish brainrot - Freeform, im so sorry for this, new york city public library - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:14:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28879308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satorisbandages/pseuds/satorisbandages
Summary: in which eiji okumura returns to new york city.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Kudos: 9





	lonely, but never alone

**Author's Note:**

> hi & welcome to my second ever ao3 work ,, ive been having a 3 month long banana fish brainrot and this is what i came up with. im sorry in advance

\--

eiji okumura was one to grieve his losses, of course, but when he did, it was never explosive nor dramatic. his tears were silent, and he accepted the pain wholeheartedly. his face did not change, his breathing did not falter, he simply allowed himself to feel. his heart grew heavy, yes, but the beating did not skip around or quicken.

it was only after meeting aslan callenreese, known as ash lynx, that he wept painfully.

the first time, it was when ash had told him to go back to japan, that he was a burden to him in america. of course he didn't mean it - he only said such harsh words to protect eiji. he understood. 

the second time, was when he _was_ back in japan. when he got the news that ash was dead. 

at first, the grief didn’t hit him. he sat in silence like he usually did, his chest heavy. but when it _did_ hit him.. it hit hard. his lips parted in painful whimpers, body trembling with his sobs. his hands made it to his hair, the hair that ash had last touched. 

after that, eiji never cut his hair again, for he could not cut off what might’ve been the last touch from ash he ever received.

\--

years later, eiji stood before the new york city public library.

his heart was heavy, and he almost decided against going in. the pain never left, no matter how long it had been since he received the tragic news of the fate of his greatest friend, ash.

he had to force himself to lift his foot and start up the stairs. the sun was shining warmly on the back of his dark head, his long hair tied securely in a ponytail, eyes scanning the view up ahead of him.

it was quiet inside. it was a monday morning, so many new yorkers had school and work to attend to. eiji mentally thanked himself for choosing this day and time to visit; he knew he would be too overwhelmed if there were large groups of people.

thankfully, the table he approached was empty. it was the table where he and his golden-haired friend sat across from each other on multiple occasions, reading and researching together, their gentle laughter spiraling around them.

now, it was silent, void of the warmth that came from the both of them.

the man sat. he nearly regretting his decision of returning, but he had to accept what had happened and what he had lost. a book was placed in the middle of the table, which eiji picked up. stifling a gasp, he gazed at the cover.

it was a leopard.

tears flooded his eyes but he forced them away with a few blinks. he carefully opened the novel, unaware of the sudden presence before him.

“i was hoping you’d look at that,” a painfully familiar voice spoke softly. when eiji looked up from the book, his hand flew to his mouth.

it was ash. he was faint, but he was there. eiji’s gaze was fixed on the silhouette, his heart skipping beats and breath going quick and shallow.

_it was ash. aslan._

“ash..” eiji’s voice was barely a breath, his eyes glassy, the threat of tears stinging his gaze.

ash shook his head, a sad smile on his soft, rosy lips. he only wished he could have kissed them once more.

“i’m not actually here,” he whispered. “though i wish i could be. i wanted to thank you, for everything. for helping me. for saving me. for the letter, and for the ticket i wish i used.”

eiji’s tears were streaming freely on his flushed cheeks now. ash continued.

“but you and i both know that not everyone can be saved. i know you and i both wish for many things, as we wish things could have turned out differently. and i’m sorry for the pain. you should have never came here, eiji. associating yourself with me only caused you pain and suffrage.”

“that’s not true!” eiji’s voice was weak, his lip quivering. “i don’t care about the pain. you made me complete, ash. you still do.” his voice broke.

“i don’t regret anything. i’m happy i came to america, i’m happy that i met you, and max and blanca and sing and everyone else. my time here was the best of my life.”

this time, it was ash’s turn to cry, despite the smile on his face. the pain in his emerald eyes - the ones that eiji loved and longed for so dearly - was clear. they never had to say anything, but they both knew they loved each other deeply, and cared for one another.

“you’re right.. i _do_ wish things could be different. i wish you were here with me, ash. i feel so alone.”

ash reached across the table, his thumbs brushing against eiji’s cheeks and wiping away his tears. his touch was cold, nearly causing him to shiver.

“eiji, you’re not alone. you’ll never be alone. my soul is always with you.”

his bright gaze sparkled one last time, before his figure started to fade away. eiji couldn’t speak. his chest was tight, tears hot on his face.

and ash was gone.


End file.
